Moving On...

Well.. I am starting the process of cleaning my stuff out of my moms house. Nothings wrong, she's not kicking me out or anything goofy, I'm just getting rid of all my old stuff that I'll never really have a use for, or miss. Like the 3 foot pile of stuffed animals from years gone by, clothes, books from middle school, old binders and notebooks, knick knacks, and trinkets that I don't want to remember, that sort of thing. My sister is being forced into the same thing because mom wants to have a proper spare bedroom, and an office, so the two bedrooms we have now are undergoing a gutting and revamping. Just in time for the new hardwood floors to go in. Not sure how thats relevant, but there you are. I'll be doing that this week... fun fun. Then I'll begin packing the things I want to keep either into a pil to go with me to Tucson, or into boxes for mom to send me in Idaho. I think I have too much stuff anyways, so I'm limiting myself to two boxes for mom to send me in Idaho, and I'm not allowed to put anything in my backseat when I'm packing for the trip to Arizona.
Given my little cleaning process I'm going through right now, I've been enlightened to the real thoughts of some "friends" about mine and Blakes break-up a few months ago. I thought, being 21, and most of my friends older than that, there wouldn't be this silly choosing of sides and the likes, but there has been. I imagined that would happen, but I hoped I was just being insecure. No matter... I don't think it's something that needs to be divulged publicly, but I had a lot of really good reasons for not wanting to marry Blake, and I had a lot more not as good reasons to want to stay with him. In the end I knew what I needed to do, and since when is doing the right thing easy? So, it's been hard the past few months, regardless of what some may think, but I've been through worse. I can't wait to see Chance again, he comes home 2 weeks, and I'm going to get to see Nauvoo with him and his family (who are just awesome!) in about 3 weeks. A lot of people who genuinely just care about me have expressed concern over the high hopes I've invested in my missionary (yes, for simplicity, I shall call him my missionary, I always considered him such), but that's not for anyone else to worry themselves about. I've also had mutual friends of mine and Blakes express disdain for Chance because of the decisions I've made. I hope that's not the case should they get to meet him someday. He's not on trial, and he didn't live my life over the past two years, the things that happened happened because of me, not him. I wouldn't really think this a concern, but as of late it's weighed heavily on my mind because I don't want ties to be cut with old friends just because my life is moving into a new chapter. I don't want to come back to BYU-Idaho and realize the friends I held closest have given up on me, but life will be life, and should it be the case, life will go on. I do have plenty of friends who weren't tied to me because of Blake, or feel like they need to "choose a side", albeit, most of those I'm not nearly as close to... well, on that note I digress.
On a happier note, I'm finding that estranged high school relationships are slowly mending between all my good friends from back then. It was actually shocking to hear, but I was glad. Being back in Columbia with the mended old friendships is like slipping back into Senior year. I see the missionaries regularly (but this time I'm teaching investigators with them instead of being the investigator) and support my HS band (who are marching in the Macys Day Parade this year, so check it on thanksgiving day people), even a couple of guys that chased me in HS are chasing me again (seriously? things really don't change here...) a hazard of going to wal-mart...
My branch is nearly the same as it was in 2006, except now the members just rave over how strong I've stayed in the church while nearly all the other converts from the time I got baptized (I think there were 10 within about a 6 month period) are less-active, or ex'ed. It makes me feel good that the members remember the old me, and see the changes that have occurred over the past 3 years as a member of the church. Sister Barlow (now RS Pres in the branch) moved into our branch like 3 months after I was baptized, and then I left for BYUI just 6 months after that. She is the most kind hearted woman ever, and I think she's great! She came to me in June and recalled me in 06, saying something along the lines of, I remember you when we first moved here. You still had your rough edges of a new-member. Your black hair, and wearing studded belts and denim skirts with flip flops to church... and now look at you. 3 years later, with my dark blonde streaked hair, a neutral a-line skirt and creme blouse and heels... she said "I'm just so impressed by you" her feelings were echoed by 2 other members of the branch, and it really made me feel good that they told me those things. It also made me want to be EVEN better. To really deserve their, what would it be called? admiration? attention? something... to study harder and learn more, and be all-around better. At this point they may not notice since being nicer, or serving more won't be reflected in my clothing but it will make me feel like I deserve the thoughts.
Well, this definitely turned into a lot more than I had anticipated... well, felt good to kinda get my thoughts out of my head.